Mothers of Lost Children - Information/The Early Stage

THE EARLY STAGE
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO BEFORE YOU GET INTO THE SYSTEM IF YOUR CHILD TELLS YOU ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE BY THE FATHER?

STOP.
Don't do anything. You need to get more information, especially from people who have been through this kind of situation, before making a move.

STAY CALM.
We know having your child be sexually abused is the most vile thing imaginable. In fact, a law professor calls incest "a mother's nightmare." But it is critical to get control of your emotions, since this situation will test every ounce of strength you have.

Even if it sounds impossible, remember to:

breathe deeply
     try to eat properly, including protein
         try to sleep 8 hours at night
             consider taking stress vitamins
                 keep your life as normal as possible
                     if you are a person of faith, pray without ceasing

YOU HAVE ESSENTIALLY FOUR OPTIONS-

stay out of the system
work within the system
fight the system
flee the system
Much depends on your own individual circumstance, personality, and resources. At this point, we recommend that you stay out of the system by de-escalating the conflict, if possible. Try to find expert legal help to accomplish this.

WARNING: Try to stay out of the system if you possibly can!

This may not be possible, but to the best of your ability, try to keep away from the court system. In Latin America, it is well known that the courts are corrupt, and that no one in his or her right mind would become involved in court. However, in the United States we have been told since kindergarten that justice is fair, and we will be protected. This is simply not true any more. You need to call for help right away, to talk about strategy.

Try not to attract the attention of the systems designed to protect children. You are miles ahead if you have not made numerous phone calls to CPS, law enforcement, family court services, and other related systems.

WARNING: Be very careful with videotapes, audiotapes, or photographs of your child!

It may be useful obtain evidence, but if you give tapes of disclosures or pictures of your child's injuries to the authorities, this evidence is often used against you. You will probably be accused of asking leading questions, putting ideas in your child's mind, or emotional abuse.

EXAMPLES
Read an example of difficult choices mother's are faced with, and how the system uses evidence against protective mothers. Then use the back button to return to read on.

...Continue on to THE MIDDLE STAGE

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