LETTER TO MY CHILDREN

I held you, my children, in my arms, all was well. I knew we would be OK. Free from the wrongs of the other. I took a step in good faith. And in a moment a decision was made.

I remember the echoing of the judges voices. I remember the feeling. It felt like a bullet in my heart. Then it became surreal. Everything became in slow motion. Numbness set in. Any minute I would wake up from this nightmare. My innocence and trust in our court system lead us to a path of the deepest darkness I have ever known. But in the beginning, I still had hope. I still believed their would be justice. So I pushed on trusting in truth and justice. I still believed I would be believed. I came to you the court for help. I believed you would protect and give me permission to protect my children. Instead you berated me for being a good parent who wanted my children protected from things that I am sure you the judge, you the psychologist, you the mediator, would not want your child to experience.

But you, all of you, betrayed me and my children. You and this crazy broken system brought pain and devastation to my life and the life of my children. My hope was shattered. Our lives were shattered. You did not protect my children. and you took my power away to protect my children. And in the process to protect yourself, you had to make me look bad. Or at least you tried. How do I wrap my brain around this? How do I even begin to understand how you can cause so much harm so callously. Did you look the other way? Did you really believe I was making it up even though everything pointed to the fact that I told the truth? What is really going on here? What is your truth? Because I cannot make sense of your decision or treatment of me and my children. I do not understand. I can't find an answer that makes any sense.

Now more than 25 years later, I come to learn that this is still happening and happening in great numbers. And some of the same people who hurt my children then have the power to continue and do continue to hurt children now. I am beyond floored, beyond devastated, beyond ashamed of you and our family courts. Does not the weight of what you have done to so many innocent people drag you down into your own dark abyss? What are you telling yourself to be able to go on day after day? Do You pretend what is isn't? How can you walk away every day and put food on your table and act like everything is normal when you have caused so much affliction to others?

I do not understand. I cannot believe that you do not know what you are doing. I cannot believe that you take no responsibility and that there is no accountability. I scratch my head, I am puzzled. How you can pretend everything is just fine when it is not. Is any one of you willing to stand up and tell the truth and stop this madness? Is whatever lies you told yourself and others all these years worth what you are doing to others? You are in power and you are in control and this is what you do with it? You could help, you could protect, you could make a difference. I cannot understand, I cannot understand, I cannot make sense of this or understand. Doesn't somebody have the courage to stand up and tell the truth and make this stop? Is not one of you with backbone and conscience to stand up and admit the wrongs you have done to so many others?

And now the only thing I can do is accept. Accept that yes, this really did happen. Accept that I cannot protect my children and there is nothing I can do about it. All I can do is accept and hurt.

Below are the players that hurt me and my children. I don't want to say full details.

Judge Benke ("Let's try split custody. I know I am taking the children from a stable home to experiment with split custody but we will re-evaluate it in 6 months." She moved to a higher court.), Until this point, the children were with me full time.

Judge Murphy. (ordered psych evals. Wanted split custody at any cost.)

Mediator: Bleema Moss (took away my right to be with my kids while the father was at work and gave that right to raise the kids while the father was at work to the paternal grandmother),

Mediator Patricia Chavez Fallen (told me "You must be empty baggage without your children. Go get a job to fill the void."

Psychologist: Breffini Barrett: Did not believe I or the children needed protection.

William J. Dess:, Called me a liar to my face. He played judge, jury, investigator and determined that I, along with many woman who can't let go of their children, make things up. I don't know if it is true, but I heard he wrote a book about his beliefs. Later, when details came out that began to prove my valid concerns as true, he passed us on to Yonan Volcani for a pshych eval. He made sure to let me know that he would have to let Volcani know I was crazy.

Yonan Volcani, Did psych eval determining that because I was "too maternal and could not let go of my children." The behaviors my children were exhibiting that had me so concerned were caused because of me being too attached to them.

Really?

- Anonymous



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